Archive for the Wolsamnoraa’s Blog Category
Funny Friday
It’s that time of the week again. It’s Funny Friday. Do you want to play along? Of course you do. Here are the rules: 1. A minimum of roughly 80 percent of everything that you do today must a.) be hilarious, b.) incite hilarity or c.) pay the pickle man. 2. You may or may [...]
Swimming In Mayonnaise
I was outside today at lunch and I saw a rabbit eating grass. First he would nibble on some grass and then turn around, and right in the same place as he was sitting, he would nibble again. My first thought was that he was working on some kind of age-old, rabbit fart, microwave technology. [...]
The Problem With Laptops
Here’s the problem with laptops. Here’s the sitch. Family’s away for a short while. Spouse, parents, live-in life partner, master, whoever. You’re alone. You’re thinking, maybe I’ll have just a quick jerk. (Ladies, maybe just a quick flick.) Your fastest release…Internet PORN! You strip down to your skivvies and, even though you know there’s no [...]
Shrimp
What’s the best part about shrimp? They’re American, dammit! Those tiny sh*ts are plentiful and, as far as I’m concerned when you’ve got some of that delicious cocktail sauce, they’re tasty, too. But something happened recently that really puckers my barn hole. Seven weeks ago (and counting), the oil and gas mogul, British Petroleum or BP, [...]
Smoke ‘Em If You Dare
The old saying used to say that “you should smoke ‘em if you got ‘em.” There’s no worse advice in the history of all of the things that have ever been advised. Smoking is gross. If you got ‘em, you should just shoot yourself. This is to say that even a dead and rotting corpse [...]
Quip & Quote
We had a pet squirrel when I was growing up and I accidentally forgot to feed it for a month (well, just short of a month actually, he died). Feel free to insert your favorite nut pun or cache joke. A pet like that, you have to feed everyday and that’s why people say: “Squirrels [...]
Quip & Quote
Just as a receding tide can mean a tsunami is coming and a penis in a porn can mean a man is cumming, seeing signs of danger is indicates that there is no way of avoiding certain doom. That is why we usually say: “If you can see it, it’s already too late.”
Quip & Quote
Mastering your life skills takes hard work and dedication. Sometimes the payoff for your efforts comes all at once or over the course of your life in little spurts. That’s why this phrase was coined: “A perfected stroke is as crucial to genius as it is to masturbation.”
10 Reasons To Instigate A Fight
Way back when I was in college I went to one of the most crowded and fun parties that I’ve ever been to. I made my way through the drunk student body that was the living room into the kitchen. I discovered a fire extinguisher and decided to make things a little more interesting. After [...]
Quip & Quote
Love is one of those things that no one, especially you, will ever manage to get right. You will miraculously gain your lover’s trust only to destroy it time and time again and that is why there’s this old standby: “Never screw a woman you intend to love.”
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- I'm bartending at a friends wedding. Is that weird?
- Devastating...one of my very favorite comedians RT @JimGaffigan RIP Robert Schimmel. Really funny. Really nice. Really will be missed.
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