10 Reasons Tim Tebow Is The Messiah

If He wins it all, there will definitely be a second coming

Like the Virgin Mary, Josh McDaniels existed for one reason: Bring the Messiah to the Denver Broncos. Despite what the players on the defensive side of the ball say, Tim Tebow is the second coming of the Lord and the sole proprietor of continued victory in the Mile High City. After starting the 2011 season a dismal 1-4, He rode in on a glorious white horse named Thunder and usurped the evil force that was Kyle Orton’s drunken neck beard only to save a struggling spread offense with the quarterback draw, wildcat option and, ever impressive, victory formation. Field kick after field kick, stand after defensive stand, punt after punt, Tim Tebow carried the weight of his lackadaisical brethren through the belly of the beast and emerged as a playoff contender. Through the adversity and grit, the holy son was born (again)! Glory, glory Tebolujah! Here, then, are 10 reasons that Tim Tebow is the Messiah:

10.) Chuck Norris prays to the sweet baby Tebow.

9.) More people tuned in to watch Tim Tebow thwart the Pittsburgh Steelers than to watch Ross confess his love for Rachel on the finale of Friends.

8.) Matt Prater points at Tim Tebow after every game winning field goal.

7.) Tim Tebow has strength enough to carry twenty-one full grown men.

6.) His capstone project at the Holy University of Florida was writing the Newest Testament.

5.) After winning the Heisman Trophy, He smelted it because of its false likeness to Him.

4.) Taking the job in the Mile High City was a ploy to be closer to home.

3.) Future generations will speak of a Promise Land not of milk and honey, but of hilarious beer commercials in a place called Indiana.

2.) Kneeling pads have been installed at Sports Authority Field for more Tebowing.

~and, finally~

1.) He died on the cross for our wins.