First Timer Over Here

Just the other night I attempted my first routine as a stand up comedian.  The open mic was at a bar called Bender’s Tavern.  They host an open mic every Monday and usually host a myriad of musical acts and comedians.  It was a lot of fun.  My wife, Jessica, and our good friends, Adam and Dana Gold, came along to support my efforts.

Once I decided that I was going to perform earlier that day, I spent an hour or so writing some material.   I was practicing for a bit when I received a phone call from my Korean gangster friend, Jon Lee.  He is in town from Manhattan for the holidays visiting his family.  He wanted to go bowling.  So we did.  I spent most of the time rolling strikes and trying to memorize jokes.

I can fill you in on details but the routine went something like this:

I’m a health nut but I don’t like produce, but my disgusting neighbor likes fresh fruit and she wants me to put one in her (that’s why I keep pineapple on hand).  I listened to hip-hop as a kid while growing up in Cheeseman Park.  I wanted to be a gang banger which has different meaning in Cheeseman.  When Bruce, the leader wanted to jump me into his gay gang, he said there was no lube and it would be blood in and blood out.  When I met my wife she gave me bad blowies but she insisted she practice.  Now they’re too good and once I accidentally ejaculated in her face she said no more.  Now I have to get my blowies in my old romping grounds at Cheeseman.

This lasted about five minutes.

No one at the bowling alley was all that impressed.  Jon decided that I would inevitably screw up my opening line “I’m a health nut” and just say “I’m a nut.”

After poor preparation, we finally went to Bender’s and waited for the performances to begin.  I was there first.  In your face.  I was really sort of nervous.  I went up.  I told my jokes.  I may have gotten one laugh, maybe.  I did it!  I’m a nut!  Now, I just have to keep doing it.  Ta da!

Here are two short videos: